The Notepassers
by sexycool-hana
Summary: The Gang and the chatroominaparchment invades classes! Talking about nothing in particular, just so they could pass the time away.. Read and Review! CHAPTER 5 up!
1. Chappie 1: The Chatroom in a parchment

THE "NOTEPASSERS"

EPISODE ONE: How they got their name…

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter… though I wish I do…

It all started at breakfast on the Great Hall, three weeks after the start of term. As Harry watched Ron and Luna stare at each other's eyes, Draco and Ginny chatting with gusto, and Hermione dwelling on a book, he reflected on the past year's events. He and Hermione had started dating, along with the other two couples. Draco was also considered as one of the gang now that he and Ginny were together. And of course, he, Ron, Mione and Draco are on their last year at Hogwarts.

It was only yesterday, though, when they discussed among themselves whether it would be good to have a group name. "Does 'Marauders' sound good?" Harry remembered suggesting.

"No, because the teachers might think that we're reviving the pranks of the original marauders," said Mione.

"Can't we just be 'Dumbledore's Army'?" piped Ginny.

"No, Ginny, that's another thing," said Ron.

A little later, they realized that the topic was actually pointless, and decided to drop it.

Harry saw Mione close her book and grab a quill and a parchment, disrupting him from his thoughts. He watched as she scribbled something and handed it to Luna. Luna snatched it from her hand (because Ron was trying to swipe it first), read what was written, and turned beet red. "Later, Hermione," she mouthed to Mione.

"What was that all about?" Harry inquired to Mione. She giggled.

"Oh, _that_. Well," she leaned towards Harry's ear. "I was just asking Luna where she and Ron had gone last night," she whispered.

"Why do you have to write it down instead of just asking her?"

"Because Ron will just force Luna to lie," and again, she giggled.

"Oh, right," Harry replied with a sly grin on his face.

The bell rang, signaling the start of the first subject. For the seventh years, it's History of Magic. The sixth years, however, have Transfiguration. Harry and Hermione hung back a little as they waited for Draco and Ron, who kissed their girlfriends goodbye.

"Believe me," said Draco as they headed towards Professor Binns' classroom, "you're awfully lucky to have a seventh year girlfriend. I mean, you're always together!" To which, Harry and Hermione replied with wide grins.

HISTORY OF MAGIC

Harry was so bored that he could give a thousand galleons just to have something amusing to do. He watched as Draco and Ron chatted happily on the desk beside his. He looked at his other side and saw Hermione- wonders of wonders!- snoozing!

"Hey, Harry," said Neville from the desk in front of him. He handed him a piece of parchment. Hermione jerked awake at the sound of Neville's voice, and read the paper with Harry. A little later, the chatroom-in-a-parchment spread around the whole classroom for two hours. It became quite popular, and everyone treated Neville as a hero for it. It had definitely banished all the students' boredom. Here it is:

CHATROOM 101

MODERATOR: NEVILLE

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: I'm bored. Please circulate this chatroom. I think I could use a little nap…

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Harry here. Anybody got gum?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Harry! That's a barbaric footnote! Anyways, Mione's online!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Hey! 'Tis a cool idea! Draco here…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: S'me Ron! Yo, is your nick 'Chavo' as in 'Chavo Guerrero' the wrestler?

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Er, yeah… I mean, Chavo's cool!

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: It's me, Dean! Suppose we should appeal to Dumbledore to hire a new History of Magic professor?

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Harry, 'ere's your gum… pass this parchment to Harry…

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: I asked for a gum a while back and you didn't give me…

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Hey thanks! Lemme guess… Lavender?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Aye, s'me. Dean, I only got gum now. Don't be so overreacting!

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>cleansweep2005

Message: Ei! Seamus is here! Let the fun begin!

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>sadisticflirt

Message: Aye Neville! 'Tis a great idea! Parvati here! I love you guys…

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Don't believe everything Parvati says…

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>blueeyeswhitedragon

Message: Quidditch only a few weeks away! Go Slytherin!

Footnote: I AINT NO FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Who the f is blueeyeswhitedragon! Coz I'm gonna kick his/her ass!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: Calm down Mione. Gryffindor's gonna win, anyway!

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>blueeyeswhitedragon

Message: In your dreams, losers!

Footnote: I AINT NO FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Shut up, Pansy!

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>drakiemahdear

Message: I'M PANSY!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>vincentcrabbe

Message: Slitheryn es going to weehn!

Footnote: SLITHERYN HAUSE RULEZ!

* * *

>blueeyeswhitedragon

Message: Blaise Zabini here… Shut up Weasley. It's me who's gonna make the girls drool! Yo, Mione!

Footnote: I AINT NO FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Zabini, you can't attract female humans with the way you attract female hippogriffs! And Crabbe, I congratulate you! After fifty million long years! You learned how to write! Though you're spelling is sooo bad… Yet, I'm so proud of you! Mwah! Gimme a hug!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>greggygoyle

Message: Butt luke! I'm alsow gettingg bettur, don't ewe tihnk?

Footnote: MY DONG IS AS HEALTHY AS MY ARSE, THANKS.

* * *

>cleansweep2005

Message: Aawww… That's nice, Goyle.

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: No fighting, please?

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>nottyourordinaryguy

Message: Guess who I am?

Footnote: AND ANOTHER STUPID FOOTNOTE…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: NEV! I missed you! And yo, Blaise! Theodore Nott?

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>nottyourordinaryguy

Message: Clever Mione…

Footnote: AND ANOTHER STUPID FOOTNOTE…

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: But- gum! I. NEED. GUM!

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: Why didn't you buy gum last weekend while we were at Hogsmeade?

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>sadisticflirt

Message: Hogemeade was nice last weekend, don't you all think? I mean, nicer…

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Quit with the footnote, Parvati!

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Yeah, well, just because they got wind that Fudge is showing his arse there… Oops, that was supposed to be top secret information…

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>blueeyeswhitedragon

Message: Why, may I ask, is it topsecret?

Footnote: I AINT NO FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD.

* * *

>vincentcrabbe

Message: Butt why wood he want to stripp and showww hise arse?

Footnote: SLITHERYN HAUSE RULEZ!

* * *

>greggygoyle

Message: Yeah… I meen, no wone wood want tod scee an diskusting sighte!

Footnote: MY DONG IS AS HEALTHY AS MY ARSE, THANKS.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Please don't mind the two idiotic goonies above…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Draco! At least they're improving!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>drakiemahdear

Message: Sod off, Granger. Nobody tells Drakie-poo off!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Oh yeah? How about we meet at the Trophy room after class and have a nice little duel? Pug-face!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>billybobbobbybill

Message: You were saying, Granger mudblood? I'm Millicent… And I'm on Pansy's side. You want another headlock?

Footnote: BILLYBOB… BOBBYBILL…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Waahhh!... Harry, she's out to get me!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: Er, Bulstrode? What's with the nick?

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>billybobbobbybill

Message: Er, my boyfriend… Only met him last June… Gorgeous man, he is…  
sigh

Footnote: BILLYBOB… BOBBYBILL…

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Er- gorgeous, is he? How about 'unlucky' to further describe him?

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>drakiemahdear

Message: Haw haw! That was clever, my sweetheart!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: I think I'd use the word 'unlucky' on you too, _'Drakie'_… hysterical laughs and guffaws

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Hey, hey, wait up! Who's threatening my girlfriend here!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>billybobbobbybill

Message: Er, ain't me! Pansy!

Footnote: BILLYBOB… BOBBYBILL…

* * *

>drakiemahdear

Message: 'Tain't me! Millicent!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Mione, who did?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: PANSY!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>drakiemahdear

Message: Okay, so it was me! Whatcha gonna do, Pothead? Shove a broomstick up my arse!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>sadisticflirt

Message: Come to think of it, that _is _a good idea! Go Harry!

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: It's all up to you, Baby Mione!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Er, I reckon you just threaten her to shut up… I don't wanna end up jobless in the future, you know…

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: sigh Draco, you do it then, so it's more painful…

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Nope, you do it… I'll back you up…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Okie dokie… Pansy Pugface Parkinson's Disease—Shut the hell up coz once you insult my baby again, you're in for a treat… From The Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>drakiemahdear

Message: gasp You wouldn't!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Try me!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Yes, shut up Pansy-pee! And don't you ever call me Drakie—whatever.

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: laughs maniacally Pansy-pee-pug-faced!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>drakiemahdear

Message: But Drakie!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: No fighting, please?

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: So, as we were saying before some uncouth character interrupted, why is the info top secret?

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Because we only overheard that info. I mean, the minister isn't telling anyone, is he? So it's top secret… Only, we found out… grins sheepishly

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Why are you so good at sneaking out!

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>cleansweep2005

Message: It's just a natural talent, Lavi. That's why I like you…

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Aawww… A chatroom may, after all, be a channel for love…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>drakiemahdear

Message: Let's tell everybody how much we love each other despite the arguments! I love you Drakie!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>blueeyeswhitedragon

Message: I love you all! Slytherins unite!

Footnote: I AINT NO FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD.

* * *

>nottyourordinaryguy

Message: Yeah, well, we'll all see each other next class anyway! Haller, DADA!

Footnote: AND ANOTHER STUPID FOOTNOTE…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: I love you all! I love you Harry…

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: Yo! Binns is about to dismiss us! Two minutes to go!

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Bye everyone! See you all next time! I love you too, MIONE!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

BINNS: Class dismissed!

* * *

_(So, whaddaya think? Please read and review! Flames are quite disturbing though... And don't worry, there'll be more chatters next time, cuz there'll of course be Luna, Ginny, the whole of the houses and the DA!)_

_(Next: which class is gonna be clashed by this chatroom-in-a-parchment thingy? And why is everyone so addicted to it?)_


	2. Chappie 2: The Challenge part 1

EPISODE TWO: Challenge in the chatroom-in-a-parchment! PART 1 cuz there's still more to come!

DISCLAIMER: Honestly…

The seventh years headed to the North tower for their Defense Against the Dark Arts. Their new professor was- in everybody's opinion- as fun and energetic as a dial tone. Brilliant! Time for another chatroom-in-a-parchment!

The moment the seventh year students (now with their fellow Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw schoolmates) were seated, Professor McGonagall came in (to everyone's surprise, as she was not the DADA teacher) and everyone hushed down. Nobody was foolish enough to even create a sound in McGonagall's presence.

"You may all be wondering what the f-hell I am doing here," she started. "Well, first off is to inform you students that Ms. Scott, your DADA professor, will not be attending to you today."

Dean raised his hand. "Please, Professor. Do tell us why."

"It is because, erm… She had met an accident."

Everyone in the room gasped. Lavender squeaked "What happened? Is she dead?"

"No," said McGonagall, taking off her glasses and wiping it with the hem of her robes. "Worse."

"Aha!" Pansy shouted triumphantly, which made them all jump. Harry saw all the Slytherins sniggering… Yeah well, except Draco. McGonagall, red with anger and astonishment, tried to say something but Pansy continued. "I knew it! The moans we heard from the broom closet while we were headed to our common room! It was from Professor Scott and Professor Vector!"

The room collectively gasped. Even Professor McGonagall, who had forgotten her anger, gasped. "That ass! And she told us the entire time that she was raped by Professor Vector!"

Again, another collective gasp. Hermione said quietly, "P-professor? Wouldn't it be nicer if you had just shut your mouth in the first place? Save us some effort gasping and thinking about that flirtatious whore?" Harry nudged her. Luckily, Professor McGonagall was too busy wiping her drool and did not hear her.

"S-so that accident…" said Ernie Macmillan, thinking deeply. "Is her being pregnant?"

"Yes, Ernie. But promise me, seventh years, not to tell anybody about that piece of information!" said McGonagall, with a tinge of pink on her cheeks. Uh-oh. One look at Parvati and Lavender's faces- something tells me that the secret won't be a secret before long…

"Yes, Professor," said the class in unison.

McGonagall breathed a sigh of relief. "Very good. Now secondly, I'm here to assign a seatwork!"

Again, the students gasped altogether. McGonagall became irritated and slammed her fist on the table. "Honestly! Can't you do any more than gasp!" The whole class went quiet. McGonagall glared at each and every one of the students and turned her back to them and wrote the seatwork on the blackboard. The students reluctantly searched their bags for some quill, ink, and parchment.

On the blackboard: _Explain the uses of a) the Impediment curse and b) the Stupefying curse. Then, give FIFTY examples each. With love, Professor Minerva McGonagall…_

The students, as soon as they saw what was written on the board, shrieked (Pansy's was loudest; Ron's was second). McGonagall was surprised and jumped. Clutching her heart and breathing heavily, she cried "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU IDIOTS! WHAT THE HECK DID YOU SCREAM FOR!"

Everyone was silent at first, until Pansy decided to speak. "Well, we weren't allowed to gasp. So how can we show our emotions?"

Millicent backed her up. "Yeah. I mean, you didn't tell us that you become irritated by shrieks too."

McGonagall looked thoughtful. "Oh yeah. Good point. Well then, I'll be off. Be back in two hours," she said, and walked out of the room.

TWO HOURS PASSED

McGonagall let them off, and everyone skipped to the Great Hall for lunch. Everyone seemed to carry a smile on their faces. Even the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws who had their first time! The reason: another chatroom had circulated, to everyone's delight. Finally! Something to give them a break once in a while from slaving themselves with the seatwork!

* * *

CHATROOM 7, 556, 903

MODERATOR: DRACO

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Yo guys! Draco here! DADA's up! I hate seat works!

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>drakiemahdear 

Message: You're right, Drakie! I feel the same way too! Oh, we are so REALLY meant to be! By the way, s'me- Pansy the pretty!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>Chavo 

Message: EEEWW…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>sadisticflirt

Message: Awww… you guys are so sweet! Parvati here!

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Yo! Mione here! Since we're all up, how 'bout a challenge?

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: Cool! We get to wrestle Mione!

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>imaballerina246 

Message: Er, Neville? Not that kind of challenge…

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: Hey! Ron's online! What is this challenge thingy, Mione?

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: I'll do the explaining, Mione m'dear… The moderator gets to give some scenes and it's up to us chatters to formulate a fiction out of them. Harry loves Mione! Hurrah!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Cool! I get to be the star!

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: This is Dean! And this is gonna be fun!

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>cleansweep2005

Message: Lavender just told me that I acquired bad breath from not talking for the past half hour… I resent that remark! I do not have bad breath and it's more fun interacting in the chatroom than chatting with our mouths anyways… Besides, it's good to give our vocal chords a break every once in a while!

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>prefect666

Message: Who the heck is cleansweep2005? By the way, I'm Ernie… Mind if I join in?

Footnote: I AM THE WORLD'S FATTEST PREFECT!

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Cleansweep2005 just so happens to be the world's largest prat Seamus Finnigan! Welcome, chatters old and new… Lavender Brown…

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>pigsnout

Message: This is Hannah Abbott! I must say I am totally impressed! This is a great idea!

Footnote: SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY…

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Newbies, introduce yourselves first!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>prefect666

Message: Ernie Macmillan from Hufflepuff…

Footnote: I AM THE WORLD'S FATTEST PREFECT!

* * *

>pigsnout

Message: I already did… Hannah Abbott…

Footnote: SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY…

* * *

>scaredofsnakes

Message: I have a phobia on snakes… It's because of what happened when we were still second years… Can you guess? Justin Finch-Fletchey here…

Footnote: AU CONTRAIRE, SNAKES ARE QUITE LOVELY… NOT.

* * *

>prettypadma

Message: Yo people! It's little miss Padma Patil!

Footnote: NOBODY KNOWS I SNOG IN THE LOOS! WAHAHA!

* * *

>bootterryboot

Message: Great, 'tis a good nick… No one can guess who I am…

Footnote: I SNOGGED PRETTYPADMA IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>Prettypadma

Message: Damn these footnotes!

Footnote: NOBODY KNOWS I SNOG IN THE LOOS! WAHAHA!

* * *

>corporealpatronus

Message: Susan Bones…

Footnote: WHATCHA DOIN' IN MY BATH TUB!

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Riiigghhht…

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>ihavecutefreckles

Message: Eloise Midgen here!

Footnote: I HAVE CUTE FRECKLES. I GOT THEM FROM THE SUN.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: RIIIGGHHHT…

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Yup, that's everyone then… On with the challenge?

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: On with it!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: Wetting myself with excitement… Haw haw…

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Alright, here goes… Scene one: _Hermione and a pregnant Harry. _Scene two: _Hermione kissing Crookshanks, who turned into Neville. _Scene three: _Hermione up a tree, hitting Harry with apples. _Scene four: _Voldie wears a wedding dress while hitting Harry with a wedding cake… and a rather huge one at that! _There, see if you can turn that into a story!

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>prefect666

Message: Let's give it a try. Ahem. Once, there were two friends who were too ashamed to admit their feelings for one another. They were Harry and Hermione… Pass.

Footnote: I AM THE WORLD'S FATTEST PREFECT!

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Erm… One day, Snape divided the class into pairs. This was for a project. Each pair was to submit a flask of any kind of rare potion. Harry and Mione wounded up as partners. Pass.

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>pigsnout

Message: Er… I'm having writer's block. Sorry. Pass.

Footnote: SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Wow guys. This is what poor, innocent, popular couples get.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Intriguing. Can I join?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: No. We be the reviewers.

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Aawww…

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>nottyourordinaryguy (Theodore Nott)

Message: One day, Harry led Hermione to the Prefect's Bathroom! He pinned Hermione to the wall and brutally kissed her and violently ripped off her clothes and savagely raped her!

Footnote: AND ANOTHER STUPID FOOTNOTE…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: What the!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: THEODORE NOTT YOU MORONIC PIECE OF SH.! YOU M. F.! BASTARD! ASS H.! SON OF A B.!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Baby Harry, calm down. Breathe deeply. Now, to handle this kind of situations, you need to be calm. THEODORE NOTT! YOU FUCKIN SH.! YOU PIECE OF BLOODY MODAFACKA! PERVERT! SCUM! PRAT! IDIOT! BASTARD!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Mione, calm down.

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>scaredofsnakes

Message: Whatever happened to Miss Self-control?

Footnote: AU CONTRAIRE, SNAKES ARE QUITE LOVELY… NOT.

* * *

>cleansweep2005

Message: Now, now, nothing beyond PG-13 please…

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: No fighting, please?

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Er… Let's erase Nott's part, shan't we?

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>nottyourordinaryguy

Message: Harumph! Bah, humbug.

Footnote: AND ANOTHER STUPID FOOTNOTE…

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic (Dean Thomas)

Message: On with the story!

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>Prettypadma

Message: Right. So, they made a potion. A rare one. It's called the Draught of Everlasting Luck. Only, the brewers ran out of luck. Harry messed it up- again. Instead of putting crushed dittany, he put octopus powder!

Footnote: NOBODY KNOWS I SNOG IN THE LOOS! WAHAHA!

* * *

>greggygoyle

Message: I'll bet dhe poishon waent ball-istic. It sayed 'boom'!

Footnote: MY DONG IS AS HEALTHY AS MY ARSE, THANKS.

* * *

>bootterryboot

Message: Right! And your spelling's improved, Goyle!

Footnote: I SNOGGED PRETTYPADMA IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>greggygoyle

Message: Yahoow! Thenks!

Footnote: MY DONG IS AS HEALTHY AS MY ARSE, THANKS.

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: On with the story!

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>sadisticflirt

Message: After the cauldron exploded, and the smoke cleared, they saw that Mione acquired a BIG, GIGANTIC, HUMONGUOUS tummy! She was bloody pregnant!

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: I'd say that was quite exaggerated.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: I can't imagine Mione pregnant… I could imagine that she swallowed a whole watermelon though… What does that mean?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: It means that you're gonna be the father of a baby the same size as Goyle's dong, Harry… (misty voice like Trelawney's)

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>blueeyeswhitedragon (Blaise Zabini)

Message: ROTFL (Rolling on the floor laughing)…

Footnote: I AINT NO FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD.

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: On with the story!

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>Chavo

Message: I thought I said it was Harry who gets pregnant?

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>billybobbobbybill

Message: We're getting there! Anyway, Harry felt it was his fault, so he suggested that they do a sort of counter potion- together. Pass…

Footnote: BILLYBOB… BOBBYBILL…

* * *

>vincentcrabbe

Message: Yay! I gate to writ deh stowrey!

Footnote: SLITHERYN HAUSE RULEZ!

* * *

>drakiemahdear

Message: Hi guys! I just grabbed the parchment from Crabbe. Believe me, you won't be able to understand a thing if you leave him with the plot…

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>corporealpatronus

Message: Alright. Lemme give it a shot. Harry and Mione did the counter potion but Harry messed it up again. Instead of putting diced dragon heart, he put in jelly slugs!

Footnote: WHATCHA DOIN' IN MY BATH TUB!

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Hang on, how did jelly slugs get into the story?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>corporealpatronus

Message: Erm… It just came across my mind.

Footnote: WHATCHA DOIN' IN MY BATH TUB!

* * *

>cleansweep2005

Message: Right. And the potion goes 'boom' again, I suppose?

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: What do you expect it to do? Sprout an arm out and say 'Hello'?

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>cleansweep2005

Message: Everyone hates good ol' Seamus today…

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: Can I have a go? So when the potion went off, and the smog cleared, they found that they switched bodies! Surprisingly, the baby changed bodies too!

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Way to go, Longbottom! Er, Shortbottom…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: On to scene two! Yay!

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>blueeyeswhitedragon

Message: Right. So they planned on doing the counter potion again- sans Harry's assistance- but it requires Cat fur! Who do they call?

Footnote: I AINT NO FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD.

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: Ghost busters!

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Bloody hell…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Meow! They go to Crookshanks, of course!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: Right. But when they went to Crookshanks, and sensed that they were about to rip his fur off, he suddenly spoke- in Neville's voice! He said, 'Please. An experiment had gone wrong and me and Crookshanks switched bodies! I don't wanna feel the pain! Please return me to my body first please!'

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Now that is an interesting twist!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: _Oh, Ronald, Ronniekins… I'm so proud of you _(Imitating Luna's voice)…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: Shut up, Draco. Anyways, how do they bring back Neville and Crookshanks to normal? Only if Hermione kisses Neville! Crookshanks, I mean…

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>ihavecutefreckles

Message: Right. So Hermione kisses Crookshanks, and poof! Turns into Neville! Then Crookshanks- the real one- comes along, and then they rip off its fur! Oh, and afterwards, their hands were full of slashes!

Footnote: I HAVE CUTE FRECKLES. I GOT THEM FROM THE SUN.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Oh, poor Crookshanks…

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: It's great! Now we're going somewhere! But I'm afraid it's already time!

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Holy sh.! It's already two minutes before lunch… I guess there's gonna be a part two?

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>cleansweep2005

Message: Of course there will be! It's COMC next anyways. We're all together again. Well then, lunchtime!

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: I'm looking forward to meeting you guys in the chatroom next lesson! Tootles! I love you all!

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: SEE YOU ALL NEXT TIME! HAPPY LUNCH! I LOVE YOU ALL! I LOVE YOU HARRY!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

Professor McGonagall walked in and Accio-ed the seat works. Draco held tight to the chatroom, so as not to be gathered by McGonagall accidentally. "Lunch time! Class dismissed!"

* * *

_(Thank you all for the reviews! Keep them coming! Anyways, the chatroom-in-a-parchment gets wackier and wackier every lesson! That's why everyone is so addicted to it!)_

_(Next chapter: And a chatroom in the Great Hall during lunch? The other years take part! This is gonna be fun… and difficult to write!)_

_(Note: a footnote is… uhm… it's like your motto or just your principles or just something that comes across your mind that you want the world to see. You can change it depending on your mood, your feelings, likes, dislikes, experiences, how your mind works, etc…)_

_(And anyway, to those whose complaints I have not satisfied with this chappie, I am so TERRIBLY sorry… You could always review me again until my numb skull gets it right… And thank you all… I LOVE YOU ALL GUYS!)_

_(P. S. Please check out my other stories too… Thanks!)_


	3. Chappie 3: During lunch

EPISODE THREE: Extra, extra! Read all about it! Chatroom during lunch! Poll attached.

DISCLAIMER: Oh, Harry! Marry me!

As soon as McGonagall let them go, the seventh years headed straight to the Great Hall for lunch. Behind Harry, he could hear Hermione, Parvati and Lavender gossiping with Pansy and the other Slytherin girls about- who else? Professor Scott!

"…and then," Pansy was narrating animatedly, "as we rounded the corner where the broom closet was, we heard these funny noises. They were like moans and groans from a shagging couple!" The Gryffindor girls gasped loudly.

"Well," said Lavender haughtily, "I always thought she was a good for nothing flirt!"

"Lavender," said Hermione warningly, as she was the Gryffindor Head Girl. "Language, please."

Harry whirled around and decided to voice out his thoughts. "You know what? I reckon we should all stop discussing about our Professor. After all, she already got what she deserved. What else could go worse for her?" he said gently.

"Her baby looking like a carbon copy of Crabbe or Goyle?" Ron suggested. Everybody laughed while Crabbe and Goyle pondered "What's a carbon copy?"

They parted ways and settled on their respective tables when they reached the Great Hall (well, except Draco and Luna, who had taken to sitting with their girlfriend/boyfriend).

"Hello," said Ginny as Draco gave her a quick peck on the lips and sat beside her. "How're lessons?"

"Fine," said Draco. "And yours?"

"Pretty good, too," answered Ginny lovingly.

"Hey, Ron, Draco, why don't you tell your girlfriends about the chatroom-in-a-parchment?" suggested Harry.

"What's this?" Luna asked Ron, but decided against it when she saw that his mouth was overloaded with mashed potatoes. "Er, never mind."

"We won't have to, Harry," said Draco, staring pointedly at Parvati and Lavender who were scribbling on an incredibly _long_ parchment.

And sure enough, another chatroom was circulated throughout the Gryffindor table! Here goes:

* * *

CHATROOM 666

MODERATOR: 'THE GOSSIPERS' GUILD

MEMBERS: PARVATI, LAVENDER

* * *

>gossipersguild

Message: Yo everyone! Who would like to join our guild? As of now there're only two members!

Footnote: WE ARE THE GOSSIPERS. WE LIVE TO ANNOY.

* * *

>sadisticflirt

Message: Parvati here! What do you say, guys? Join our guild!

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Lavender here! Everyone look over at the other tables! They're having their own chatroom too! And they look happy… Will someone please liven up this interaction?

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Hermione's online! Anyone who would want to join us, just log in and introduce yourselves!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Hello, everyone (waves)! Harry here! Whew! For a sec, I thought this chatroom would just be all about Professor Scott…

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>dracosgurl

Message: So, this is the famous 'chatroom' everyone's talking about… Ginny here… I would've thought that would be obvious. I mean, look at my nick!

Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Suddenly, I'm the footnotes' victim… Draco Malfoy- hot and sexy- online…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>isupportsnorkacks

Message: Hi, I'm Luna… Mind if I join in?

Footnote: I SUPPORT SNORKACKS COZ THEY'RE CUTE.

* * *

>giantsquid

Message: I'm Dennis Creevey! This is so _cool_!

Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.

* * *

>cameraboy

Message: And 'tis Colin here! Do I have to write down my autobiography?

Footnote: I MAKE THE PAPARAZZI INFERIOR.

* * *

>giantsquid

Message: Anyways, did you know about the rumor about Professor Scott snogging with Dumbledore every Tuesdays?

Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: She WHAT!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: And I thought this was a Scott-free chatroom…

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>gossipersguild

Message: Of course we knew! That was _so_ like, a long time ago! Duh…

Footnote: WE ARE THE GOSSIPERS. WE LIVE TO ANNOY.

* * *

>giantsquid

Message: Yeah, well, I feel guilty. It was _us_, fourth years, who started this rumor! Just because Professor Scott gave us an assignment for five rolls of parchment…

Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: She WHAT!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: She didn't!

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: What is _so_ wrong with that?

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: B-b-b-b-but, that's TORTURE, that is!

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>cleansweep2005

Message: Seamus here. Someone should start a hate guild…

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: Dean here. Seamus is right. Someone please start a hate guild against her…

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Wait! I don't understand! What homework did she give you anyway, Dennis?

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>giantsquid

Message: She made us list, in _five long rolls of parchment_, names of handsome bachelors we know and their addresses! Just so she can shag…

Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.

* * *

>isupportsnorkacks 

Message: (gasp!) She WHAT!

Footnote: I SUPPORT SNORKACKS COZ THEY'RE CUTE.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: You know what? Seamus is right… Someone should start a hate guild around here…

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Huh? Alright, imaballerina246! Where's the real Hermione? What have you done to my girlfriend!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Ugh… I wanna kick someone's balls…

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: You know what? I reckon we should start a poll around here! Liven up this chatroom…

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>dracosgurl

Message: Yo, big bro! That's it! Since we're all arguing about Scott here, and this chatroom _needs_ a little decoration, why don't we start a poll?

Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.

* * *

>isupportsnorkacks

Message: Aw, Ronald. You're a born genius.

Footnote: I SUPPORT SNORKACKS COZ THEY'RE CUTE.

* * *

>sadisticflirt

Message: Okay, so since we're the mods, we'll start it. Ahem… What is the best punishment for a FLIRT, WHORE AND BITCH? Read: Prof. Scott. Lavi, _you _give the choices.

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS.

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: (A) Drag her naked to Azkaban. (B) Soak her head in carbonized stinksap. (C) Let Snape French kiss her for one whole hour non stop. (D) All of the above.

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: But the choices are all barbaric! Can I add a letter E?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Which is?

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: (E) Toss her to the lake and let the giant squid shag her crazy.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: That's not what I was about to suggest, Mione…

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Get real, Harry, nobody in this table likes her.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: But Mione…

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: DO YOU DARE DEFY ME, HARRY JAMES POTTER! BECAUSE IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, I SWEAR I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Uh, (sweating profusely; adjusting collar nervously) n-n-n-no, M-m-mione... Actually, that was just perfect and far better than what I have thought of.

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Mione should try applying for the military…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>dracosgurl

Message: They sure need a new commando there…

Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: The military officers will be impressed. She could pass the test with flying colors…

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Some friends. Backstabbers.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: On with the poll!

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: Oh, wait, I forgot to vote. I'm all arms to letter A: Drag her naked to Azkaban. Hey, you can't deny that she's hot and sexy! Seeing her struggling while naked… Man, I'm already having a hard-on. I'm heading to the loo.

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: Letter B: Soak her head in carbonized stinksap is kinda good. I know the feeling. Don't ask why. It damn bloody hurts!

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: Hmm, what would Fred and George vote? I bet they'd make their own choice- probably (A) Lock her in a room with Umbridge, Lucius Malfoy and Crumpled-horn snorkacks for company. There, that'd drive her nuts. But, I would vote for (A), same with Dean. With a killer body like hers, that incident's gonna make it to the Prophet headline, that will.

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>cameraboy

Message: And leave the picture-taking to me. I assure you I'll catch her in many (million, to be exact) erotic positions.

Footnote: I MAKE THE PAPARAZZI INFERIOR.

* * *

>isupportsnorkacks

Message: Why do you all have to be so horny? And Ron, if she's locked up with snorkacks, then she won't be bored. I find them quite amusing. I vote for letter E: Let the giant squid shag her. At least she's happy with that punishment.

Footnote: I SUPPORT SNORKACKS COZ THEY'RE CUTE.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Does the giant squid even have a penis?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Cleansweep2005

Message: No. But it's got _big, fat, long_ tentacles. Choice letter A's kinda cool, though. I really hope that'd happen. What're you rooting for, Harry?

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Well, not letter (A), coz commando might kill me. I vote for (C). Though sometimes I wonder… Is Snape gay?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>giantsquid

Message: You mean you didn't know? That rumor circulated like- uh- six years ago! Hellooo! He's gay! Aren't you wondering why he keeps staring at you and picking on Ron and cozying up to Draco? Duh…

Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: He WHAT! S-s-s-staring at me! One time, he even slapped my bum hard, saying he did that to enlighten me to study my potions harder!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: He's GAY! What the heck!

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>dracosgurl

Message: That bastard! He's worse than Scott! Draco! How true is this!

Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Hundred percent!

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: And he's snuggling up to my kitty? _My_ kitty? MY KITTY! _MY KITTY!_

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Your kitty? _Your_ kitty? YOUR KITTY! _YOUR KITTY!_

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Got a problem with that?

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Oh, no. I was merely repeating the question (mumble mumble).

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>isupportsnorkacks

Message: Oh, well… At least he's only picking on my guy.

Footnote: I SUPPORT SNORKACKS COZ THEY'RE CUTE.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: But Luna dear!

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>gossipersguild

Message: No, you idiots! He's not gay, he's straight! That rumor was only proven as only a rumor like- uh- six years ago, too! Ugh, honestly! You read the Prophet to gain knowledge about what's happening in the wizarding world, when you don't even give a damn about what's happening here at our school!

Footnote: WE ARE THE GOSSIPERS. WE LIVE TO ANNOY.

* * *

>cameraboy

Message: How sure are you in saying that he's straight?

Footnote: I MAKE THE PAPARAZZI INFERIOR.

* * *

>gossipersguild

Message: Positively sure, especially if you walk in on him and McGonagall snogging each other senseless in the first floor bathroom.

Footnote: WE ARE THE GOSSIPERS. WE LIVE TO ANNOY.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: What! (gasp)

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>cleansweep2005

Message: That's true. T'was me, Dean, Parv and Lav who caught them. They threatened to expel us if we chuck a word out, though. So we're threatening to kill all of you if a word of this leaks out.

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Oh… Right.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: Hi, I'm back! How're the polls?

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>dracosgurl

Message: Where've you been?

Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.

* * *

>dracosgurl

Message: OH, NO, WAIT A SEC! DON'T ANSWER! I DON'T WANNA KNOW!

Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: I'm voting for D: All of the above. It'd serve her right.

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>sadisticflirt

Message: D & E: Oh, the horror of snogging Snape!

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>dracosgurl

Message: I vote for D. Wish it'll all happen at the same time! Exciting!

Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: I'm settling for D and F.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: What's F?

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Offer her body to the trolls and let them satisfy her cravings.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Oohhh… Intriguing. In that case, I'll go for that one, too. And A.

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY.

* * *

>cameraboy

Message: A coz it's gonna be cool.

Footnote: I MAKE THE PAPARAZZI INFERIOR.

* * *

>giantsquid

Message: D. Hello, that isn't even enough for her to pay me five rolls of parchment back!

Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: Whoa, that's the bell. On to COMC!

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: And so it is. Here're the results of our poll (13 respondents). A: 4 votes; B: 1 vote; C: 1 vote; D: 5 votes; E: 2 votes; F: 2 votes. Well, that's all for now. I'm logging out. Bye!

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: Bye, Gin and Luna and everybody else! I love you Mione, no matter what.

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Aww… I love you, too.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>dracosgurl

Message: I had fun. Goodbye and see you all next time! Bye! I love Drakie.

Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.

* * *

The bell rang aloud, alerting everyone in the Great Hall that classes for the afternoon session are now to be held. Ginny and Luna bid their guys, Harry and Hermione goodbye before setting off. The Gryffindor seventh years crowded together and left the Great Hall for their next class.

"That was fun," said Lavender casually, referring to the chatroom. "Remember when we used the same technique with Umbridge? Talking about her behind her back…"

"She's so horrible, after all," said Hermione quietly, shaking her head as she swung her messenger bag over her shoulder. Harry clasped her small hand.

"People tend to sin to fulfill their needs," said Harry. "She just wasn't careful, is all."

Draco and Ron joined them. "D'you think Professor Vector will offer her marriage?" asked Draco.

"Of course he will!" said Ron. "I mean, look at Professor Scott! Only a fool would let go of someone like her."

"I suppose…" said Hermione. They found themselves outside Hogwarts, heading towards Hagrid's hut.

"Chill, Hermione," said Harry gently. "After all, what goes around comes around." (wink wink)

* * *

_(There! Please read and review.)_

_(Sorry if it contains some green things, but at least it's not graphic. And for the slight Snape and McGonagall… just let me know about your comments.)_

_(Thanks again for those wonderful reviews! Keep 'em coming! And please don't hate me for not updating for so long…))_

_(Next chappie: COMC: Care of Magical creatures. Chatroom? Yup, of course there's one. But it's gonna be difficult! Oh, no, no. With Harry Potter, friends and co., difficult is not even a word.) _

_(I love you all. Do check out my other work, the Goose Girl. It doesn't get many reviews. Thanks in advance!)_

_sexycool_


	4. Chappie 4: The Challenge part 2

EPISODE FOUR: Challenge in the chatroom-in-a-parchment part 2!

DISCLAIMER: If JKRowling would give the Harry Potter plot to me then I'd be the happiest person alive…

The seventh years settled in front of Hagrid's hut and brought out their quills, parchment and –for safety- wands. Draco held his tightly, acting as if a monster may emerge from the forest and suddenly attack them all. Ron wasn't better; he had only his wand out, holding it like a sword in front of him. Yes, this was Care of Magical Creatures under Professor Rubeus Hagrid- you had better be ready for anything. If luck's not anywhere with you then you may end up in the infirmary with your arm ripped off… or worse, your (gulp) balls… (shudder)

Right on cue, Hagrid stepped out of the hut (everyone except Harry and Hermione backed off; Ron and Draco looked like they may pee in their pants) and greeted everyone a "Good afternoon".

"Good afternoon," half of the class answered. Hagrid didn't seem to notice (as usual). He whistled to nothing or no one in particular. The class held their breaths and waited, when two large birds with pure-white feathers and yellow beaks and orange tails flew to Hagrid and perched on either of his shoulders. The class released their breaths and sighed with relief, seeing as they were not studying anything dangerous today. Meanwhile, Hagrid continued his speech with a cheerful tone.

"Today, we're studyin' Avifors. Can anyone tell me what they are?" Hagrid's voice boomed. Hermione automatically raised her hand.

"Avifors are birds that indicate the type of weather we are having. If it sings a cheerful tone, then the day will turn out to be sunny. If it sings a mournful tune, the day will either be rainy or stormy."

"Very good, 'Mione," said Hagrid, beaming widely. "Ten points ter Gryffindo'. Now, what I want you ter do is ter bring out a piece of parchment –and quills, o'course- and draw an' label the parts of an Avifor and take notes abou' them. Ter be submitted at the end of our lesson. Get to work."

The students need not be told twice and obeyed. The Gryffindors and Draco crowded around one Avifor nestled on a fence. They began to draw (and –of course- chat while drawing!). Harry was about to note the shape of the creature's beak when a parchment was shoved on his face. But he was not anymore curious as to what it is, for he himself had been expecting it…

* * *

CHATROOM 7, 556, 903 

MODERATOR: DRACO

* * *

>Chavo 

Message: Ei, guys! Draco here! Anythin' new?

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom 

Message: Yes. Did you know elephants could fly?

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>Chavo 

Message: Shortbottom, I said 'new', not 'booboo'…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>imaballerina246 

Message: Hey! This is Hermione!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles 

Message: Ron here! My balls are aching with the way I sit. But Draco? Nooo! It's he who always gets the biggest sitting space!

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>Chavo 

Message: That's because I've got bigger balls than you do, Weasel. That's the way it is! You learn this kind of things in Biochemistry!

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>Pukinpastilles 

Message?

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>imaballerina246 

Message: Uh, Drakie? I think Biochemistry's about chemicals and stuff? Not measurements of balls or something…

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Chavo 

Message?

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>harrythehippogriff 

Message: DO YOU MIND? SOME OF US HAVE GOT EDUCATION IN OUR MINDS!

Footnote: I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246 

Message?

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff 

Message: Heh heh… I was just kidding. It's Harry, by the way.

Footnote: I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>brownishlavender 

Message: Hey! Lav here. How 'bout the challenge?

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic 

Message: Dean here… What were the scenes again?

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>Chavo 

Message: Scene three: _Hermione's up an apple tree and pelting Harry with apples_; Four: _Voldemort is clad in a wedding gown and hitting Harry with a huge wedding cake!_

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>sadisticflirt 

Message: Parvati here! Sorry. Seamus accidentally hit me with a shovel so my mind is quite foggy right now.

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>Cleansweep2005 

Message: It was not a shovel- it was a _rake_! Seamus here… And I didn't do it on purpose!

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>imaballerina246 

Message: Sheesh, knock it off and hand this parchment over to the others.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>harrythehippogriff 

Message: Uh, Mione? There's a problem. We are at least _fifteen meters away from any of the other houses!_ How are we going to pass it off to them?

Footnote: I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo 

Message: No prob, I've got a plan…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

As soon as the others had read what Draco had written, he muttered a spell on the parchment and crumpled it up. "But the ink's gonna blot!" gasped Hermione. Draco winked at her. 

"What good are my academic skills, then?" he asked, and threw the crumpled heap as hard as he could. It hit Pansy Parkinson square on her head. The Gryffindors giggled nervously while Hermione scowled.

"Draco! You git! You could've been caught! What were you thinking?" she started to blab.

"Hermione," he said calmly. "Have you forgotten that I'm a Quidditch player? And a handsome one at that! (Ron and Harry pretended to choke; Draco rounded on them) Oh, shaddup, you two!"

The Gryffindors and Draco continued to work (some, like Lav, Parvati, Seamus, Dean, Ron and Draco were not really working but comparing each other's notes) while all the while glimpsing over at the Slytherins who were huddled together tightly. Hagrid was confidently supervising the class, thinking that the students were really into the seatwork.

A little later, they saw Pansy approach Hagrid, looking as if she was asking something really important. However, she kept glancing at the Slytherins who were skeptically eyeing the Hufflepuffs.

"Hmmm…," said Harry thoughtfully, watching Pansy. "I wonder if…"

"Well, wonder no more," said Hermione. "Take a look at the Slytherins."

The Gryffindors turned to watch. Goyle, a Quidditch beater for his house, aimed the crumpled parchment at the oblivious Hufflepuffs and threw it as hard as he could. It landed on the parchment of Justin Finch-Fletchey, who was so surprised of the sudden intrusion that he jumped a foot high and stepped on Hannah Abott's foot.

The Gryffindors joined the Slytherins in chokes of silent laughter. The Hufflepuffs huddled around the parchment.

After they all had their share, Ernie threw the parchment at the Ravenclaws (it hit Terry Boot in the forehead, causing him to topple and fall over his seat; Draco and Ron had hiccups because of too much laughter).

And the cycle was repeated again and again (without getting caught, _thankyouverymuch_) until they all finished with their works and it was time to leave. They all headed to the Transfiguration classroom. All the while, they could hear Terry Boot complaining and muttering nonsense. Harry turned to Hermione, who had a serious look on her face.

"Problem, my dear?" he asked gently.

Hermione looked at his gorgeous eyes. "I was just thinking… I'm gonna miss this so much. Our schoolmates, this chatroom, this laughter, this fun, and even this school itself. I really wanted to cry…"

Harry pulled her aside and hugged her dearly, ignoring the _aww_'s from all the people around them. "I feel the same way too, Mione," he said. "It's been our second home, anyway. But we'll all see each other again… I'll make sure of that."

"Thanks, Harry," Hermione whispered.

"Uh," said Ron tentatively, causing the lovers to pull apart. "We've got classes, ya know."

As they headed to their next class, the two reread the parchment they are sure they will sorely miss after Hogwarts…

* * *

(cont'd…) 

>drakiemahdear

Message: Hey, dammit! Who the fuck threw that parchment? Cause I'm gonna punch the light bulbs outta him/her!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>greggygoyle 

Message: Uh, pAns Sy, I thenk its DrACo whow throwed dhe pargement…

Footnote: MY DONG IS AS HEALTHY AS MY ARSE, THANKS.

* * *

>nottyourordinaryguy 

Message: Nott here! Need me to translate Goyle's message for you, Pansy?

Footnote: AND ANOTHER STUPID FOOTNOTE…

* * *

>drakiemahdear 

Message: Uh… Yeah?

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>nottyourordinaryguy 

Message: Translation from troll language to English: Uh, Pansy, I think it's Draco who threw the parchment…

Footnote: AND ANOTHER STUPID FOOTNOTE…

* * *

>drakiemahdear 

Message: Why that scumbag! I'll smash him to a pulp if it's the last thing I… Wha-? Wha-? WHAT? DRACO? Oh, goodness, of course I don't mean that. After all, it was only a stupid parchment and a stupid head-

* * *

>billybobbobbybill 

Message: Sorry. Had to snatch that parchment from Pansy… Otherwise, she'd keep blabbing on it all afternoon. Anyways, will someone start this challenge?

Footnote: BILLYBOB… BOBBYBILL…

* * *

>vincentcrabbe 

Message: I weel staret eat four yu, Miliscent!

Footnote: SLITHERYN HAUSE RULEZ!

* * *

>billybobbobbybill 

Message: It is meant to have a plot, Crabbe… Puh-lease…

Footnote: BILLYBOB… BOBBYBILL…

* * *

>blueeyeswhitedragon 

Message: Okay, let's do this. Ahem… So they got the cat fur from Hermione's fox, and then they made the potion. But Harry messed it all up- _AGAIN!_

Footnote: I AINT NO FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD.

* * *

>drakiemahdear 

Message: What happens, you ask? Well, the potion sort of exploded on the two of them again. And… wel, you know Hermione Granger, she just loves her face too much.

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>greggygoyle 

Message: Hewe meen it distroyd her face?

Footnote: MY DONG IS AS HEALTHY AS MY ARSE, THANKS.

* * *

>drakiemahdear 

Message: Worse… IT GAVE HER ACNE LARGER THAN MIDGEN'S! AND IT GAVE HER THE CHIPMUNK AGAIN! AND- GASP!- IT STRAIGHTENED HER EYELASHES!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>billybobbobbybill 

Message: B-b-but… That's horrible!

Footnote: BILLYBOB… BOBBYBILL…

* * *

>drakiemahdear 

Message: I know… That's why we should pass this on to the Hufflepuffs! Let's see 'em give this a shot!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>scaredofsnakes 

Message: Dammit, you idiots! I stepped on Hannah Abbott's foot! Ernie'll kill me!

Footnote: AU CONTRAIRE, SNAKES ARE QUITE LOVELY… NOT.

* * *

>prefect666 

Message: Well, I was only planning to wring the Bejesus outta you… But killing you is- ah… Such a nice idea…

Footnote: I AM THE WORLD'S FATTEST PREFECT!

* * *

>pigsnout 

Message: 'Tis Hannah… Now, now, Ernie, you _are _a Head Boy… Now, BEHAVE YOURSELF, YOU DUMBSKULL! YOU IGNORANT PRAT!

Footnote: SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY…

* * *

>prefect666 

Message: Oh, yeah, right, sorry… I jus- WAIT A MINUTE! YOU'RE HEAD GIRL TOO!

Footnote: I AM THE WORLD'S FATTEST PREFECT!

* * *

>pigsnout 

Message: Oh, yeah, forgot about that last bit. Sowee…

Footnote: SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY…

* * *

>ihavecutefreckles 

Message: Eloise Midgen here… To Pansy Pugface: I have NOT got large acne! Anyways, I was looking forward to this challenge! So when Hermione found that her beautiful face was destroyed, she broke off with Harry and ran to the Quidditch field.

Footnote: I HAVE CUTE FRECKLES. I GOT THEM FROM THE SUN.

* * *

>pigsnout 

Message: And Harry chased her.

Footnote: SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY…

* * *

>prefect666 

Message: Wha- good contribution. Anyways, let's pretend there was a large apple tree that grew behind the bleachers. Now, Hermione ran to the tree for comfort.

Footnote: SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY…

* * *

>ihavecutefreckles 

Message?

Footnote: I HAVE CUTE FRECKLES. I GOT THEM FROM THE SUN.

* * *

>pigsnout 

Message: Oh, we understand you perfectly well, oh master of our daylight hours…

Footnote: SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY…

* * *

>prefect666 

Message: MEANING, SHE STAYED AT THE TREE FOR COMFORT! COMFORT OF BEING ALONE, YOU DOLTS!

Footnote: PIGSNOUT, THIS REALLY IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY!

* * *

>pigsnout 

Message: Wow. New footnote.

Footnote: SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY…

* * *

>scaredofsnakes 

Message: Anyways, Harry found her on the apple tree and tried to apologize. But Hermione was so angry, she threw apples at Harry. Some hit Harry on the head, on the chest, on the knees, on his balls- you get the point.

Footnote: AU CONTRAIRE, SNAKES ARE QUITE LOVELY… NOT.

* * *

>ihavecutefreckles 

Message: Riggghhht… Well, we've done our part. Pass this on, now.

Footnote: I HAVE CUTE FRECKLES. I GOT THEM FROM THE SUN.

* * *

>bootterryboot 

Message: Okay, that does it! First, Parv Patil hits me with a pipe. Then, Millicent stomps on my foot. Now, this! AAARRRGHHH!

Footnote: I SNOGGED PRETTYPADMA IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>Prettypadma 

Message: Terry, don't be such a spoilsport! Anyways, Padma here. Forgive Parvati, she's just so inconsiderate today. So, where were we? Ah, yes… Harry was so upset because Hermione was so upset. So, he surprised Hermione- with a potion that he made himself. It was meant to restore your face back to normal beauty.

Footnote: NOBODY KNOWS I SNOG IN THE LOOS! WAHAHA!

* * *

>ilovegoldfish 

Message: New chatter Anthony Goldstein here! I caught the flu yesterday, so Madam Pomfrey didn't allow me to attend the morning session. Anyways, Hermione's face was back to normal, but the potion was- er- multitasking? It also transported them to another dimension- to the place where Voldemort's wedding was taking place!

Footnote: I LOVE GOLDFISH. GET IT?

* * *

>bootterryboot 

Message: What. A. Twist. So, when Voldie found out that they gate-crashed the party, he quickly levitated the wedding cake towards Hermione!

Footnote: I SNOGGED PRETTYPADMA IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>Prettypadma 

Message: And I thought you were such a sour lemon today…

Footnote: NOBODY KNOWS I SNOG IN THE LOOS! WAHAHA!

* * *

>corporealpatronus 

Message: But Harry was the hero, wasn't he? He quickly pulled out his trusty ol' wand and waved it at Voldie…

Footnote: WHATCHA DOIN' IN MY BATH TUB!

* * *

>bootterryboot 

Message: And then what happens?

Footnote: I SNOGGED PRETTYPADMA IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>corporealpatronus 

Message: Well, you know Harry's not really that good when he's pressured. So, he messed up his wandwork again. Interchanged the groom's and the bride's clothing. Voldie was so angry.

Footnote: WHATCHA DOIN' IN MY BATH TUB!

* * *

>ilovegoldfish 

Message: Oohh… Betcha Hermione's angrier.

Footnote: I LOVE GOLDFISH. GET IT?

* * *

>corporealpatronus 

Message: Well… No. Coz it worked. The cake hit Harry instead.

Footnote: WHATCHA DOIN' IN MY BATH TUB!

* * *

>bootterryboot 

Message: Oh.

Footnote: I SNOGGED PRETTYPADMA IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>ilovegoldfish 

Message: Well, like an old friend used to say, 'What. A. Twist.'

Footnote: I LOVE GOLDFISH. GET IT?

* * *

>bootterryboot 

Message: Er, Anthony? I just said it a while back.

Footnote: I SNOGGED PRETTYPADMA IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>ilovegoldfish 

Message: Oh.

Footnote: I LOVE GOLDFISH. GET IT?

* * *

>Prettypadma 

Message: Anyways, leave the plot to the Gryffindors. Hah. Let's see what they make of it. Wahahahahahahahahaha!

Footnote: NOBODY KNOWS I SNOG IN THE LOOS! WAHAHA!

* * *

>sadisticflirt 

Message: Inconsiderate, am I? Well, _ignore_ Padma coz she's just so immature today.

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>imaballerina246 

Message: What's the shape of the avifor's beak? More like a pear or peanut?

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles 

Message: More like a kidney to me… Challenge's getting hilarious, by the way.

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>brownishlavender 

Message: Right… So Harry and Hermione must find a way out of that dimension. But how?

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>harrythehippogriff 

Message: I know! I know!

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>Chavo 

Message: No, you don't. We're the reviewers, remember?

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom 

Message: Look, it's a wedding. Everybody wants their wedding day to be special, right?

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>sadisticflirt 

Message: Right. So let's just say that Voldie's being kind only for that day cause it's his wedding. And he sent Harry and Hermione back to Hogwarts.

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>imaballerina246 

Message: Or threw us out of the reception, more like.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Cleansweep2005 

Message: Yeah. And then, when they got back, Hermione forgave Harry for saving her life… and her face… from the wedding cake.

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic 

Message: And please allow me the honor of saying, 'And they live happily ever after. The end…'

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>harrythehippogriff 

Message: Wow, guys. That was… awesome.

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>imaballerina246 

Message: Sniff. Thanks, guys. I will never forget this.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Chavo 

Message: It's been fun! Let's do this again sometime. Whoops, that's the bell! What was the shape of the beak again?

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>imaballerina246 

Message: Er… Peanut! Rush rush rush! Pant pant.

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Pukinpastilles 

Message: Peanut it is! Er, the nut or the shell? Right- TO HAGRID!

Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

_(Right, please read this note of mine…)_

_(I know, I know, I know… S'been a while since I last made myself visible. Sorry, everyone... So, what's been keeping me busy? One: I'm creating my own blog site… I'll inform everyone when it's done. Two: I've got two more fanfictions, The Goose Girl and U. F. O. Baby. Please check them out and review! Thanks in advance!)_

_(And about this chapter… I know it's corny so please don't press it further. Every author has his/her own down days, you know. Anyways, thank you for all the reviews. I wish you could keep 'em coming. And- Oh, horrible, horrible flamers!)_

(_And yes, I forgot about one Anthony Goldstein... And I also forgot that Ernie and Hannah were supposed to be the Hufflepuff Head Boy and Girl... Please read and review!)_


	5. Chappie 5: McGonagall's a KJ!

EPISODE FIVE: McGonagall's such a killjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I'm in love with my classmate ---- ----- --, and I don't know what to do! Yelp! I'm in love again!

McGonagall was nowhere to be seen when the seventh years filed inside the Transfiguration classroom. The first thing that caught the students' attentions was the giant flat screen in front of the room. Then there was also the projector all the way at the back. And on the corners of the ceiling were tiny but hi-tech Digital Audio Surround speakers. Draco, Ron and the others who were never oriented on the wonders of the Muggle world were sooo amused that they squealed like little girls while examining the screen and the projector.

Suddenly, a noise as loud as a volcanic eruption (okay, so this is over-exaggeration) burst throughout the classroom; everyone shrieked and jumped at least three feet high (Pansy and Ron were, again the loudest screamers; Harry and Draco were the highest jumpers) in surprise.

"The sky is falling!" shouted some of the Hufflepuffs (particularly Hannah).

"It's the end of the world!" Crabbe and Goyle screamed loudly while running around like headless chickens. Pansy was crying hard and loud as she hid under a table; Ron was clinging on a pillar for dear life, and Draco peed in his pants.

Some of the students, particularly the Gryffindors, ran towards the door while screaming their heads off. "Abandon room!" Neville called out. He, Seamus, Lavender, Dean and Parvati were trying to pry the door open (which had magically sealed itself shut when the whole class had already entered) but to no avail.

Harry was bemusedly gazing at the crowd, smirking and shaking his head as if he thought they were just a bunch of children playing tag. There were a few minutes of pandemonium before a whistle was blown by the ever-depended-upon Gryffindor Head Girl Hermione Granger. Everyone fell silent.

"My dear idiots," Hermione said as if starting a State of the Nation Address, "I regret to inform you that you are all idiots and that someday your idiotness will be the cause of your deaths. IT'S JUST THE SPEAKERS, YOU IDIOTS! THOSE BLACK TINY THINGS AT THE CORNERS OF THE CEILING? THEY'RE MEANT TO BE DEVICES THAT GIVE OFF DIGITAL AUDIO! THAT LOUD NOISE WAS JUST THE SPEAKERS BEING TUNED UP!"

Harry chuckled as Hermione finished her speech, breathing heavily and her face as red as a tomato with rage. The whole class looked like they were suddenly under a trance, gaping at Hermione with wide-open eyes (Neville was even drooling).

The speakers boomed out McGonagall's voice: "Alright, settle down everyone! If you could all just sit down, we could begin the film-showing now. The devices you see are bewitched so that they may work inside the school premises."

When everyone was already seated, the lights went off (everyone screamed again and Hermione blew the whistle again). Two blue spotlights turned on and silhouetted a female figure on the center front of the classroom. She had a feather sash around her shoulders, and she was obviously wearing boots with feathers on the lining and a skimpy one-piece _entrada_ that showed off pale, white legs.

The boys were ecstatic. They catcalled and whistled while some others yelled "Striptease!" The girls were all curious and somber; Hermione's eyebrows even shot so high that it was in danger of either falling off or sticking permanently on the upmost part of her forehead. Just what is going on!

Suddenly, the supposedly fun show turned into a horror creepshow when the lights focused on the stripteaser's face.

"Professor McGonagall!" the seventh years all gasped in unison.

Just as then, a seductive music flowed out of the speakers. Professor McGonagall's hips swayed as she sang with the music. "I'm too sexy for my love… Too sexy for my love, love's going to leave you… Yeah… Yeah…"

The crowd went wild and screamed… not because of fun but because of horror. "Please, stop it!" the boys all screamed, all shielding their eyes from the horrible wrinkly flobberworm that was dancing seductively in front of them.

"Oh, the torture!" screamed Ron as he squeezed his eyes shut and banged his head repeatedly on his desk. Draco, meanwhile, had his inhaler out for he just had another asthma attack; he was breathing heavily on it while covering his eyes with his palms. Harry and Hermione were muttering profanities while they blocked McGonagall from their views using the hem of their robes.

"I'm too sexy for my cat… Too sexy for my cat… For pussy, for pussy cat… I'm too sexy for this song."

At last, McGonagall had finished her production number and bowed. When nobody clapped, she shrieked "WHAT DOES A WOMAN HAVE TO DO TO EARN CLAPS FROM STUPID MORONS LIKE YOU?" Everybody clapped and whistled.

"There, that's better," she said while everybody released sighs of relief. "I was just trying to liven up the lesson."

She slid on her normal robes and flicked on a switch near the door. The projector turned on and flashed on a ten-second countdown during which Prof. McGonagall gave a brief scope of the lesson, her back facing the screen.

"During the Medieval period," she began, "different Monarchies from different parts of Britain felt the need to reproduce heirs for as many as they can for there are threats to the lives of the royal family members. Transfiguration was briefly considered during this time, mainly for protection to the royal family. Peasants were sacrificed-"

The room collectively gasped, which McGonagall thought was because of the facts she was presently stating. Also, she thought she heard moaning, groaning and clapping sounds from somewhere she couldn't decipher. Nevertheless, she continued. "Yes, children, they were sacrificed to be transfigured into the exact replica of the royal family…"

The moaning, groaning and clapping sounds grew evidently louder by the second and McGonagall was starting to get pissed off. "Please keep quiet while I am talking. Anyway, a large group of rebels protested against that horrid act. They say that to be able to produce more heirs, they must REPRODUCE!"

"Oh yes, baby, yes… Ahhh…"

McGonagall's last thread of patience wore off by the sound that she had just heard. "You perverts!" she yelled at the children. "I teach you in the darkness and there is nothing you can think of but acts of perversion! Thinking about it is one thing but _doing_ it in front of a teacher is another! The Deputy Headmistress! I am an authority!"

"Yeah, baby… Yeah…" the moans, groans and claps continued.

"Uhm, Professor?" said Hermione hesitantly with her hand raised. "The sounds that irritate you are from the film."

Sure enough, McGonagall almost had a heart attack when she saw that the movie being played was not the educational documentary she had programmed. Currently showing was a pornography film. No wonder the entire class was incredibly silent and attentive all that time.

"Oops," said McGonagall. "Wrong tape. Excuse me," she said and approached the projector at the back of the class to fix it for a while. Hermione muttered "Stupid old maid" audibly as the students chatted excitedly about what had just happened.

"That position was not even in the Kama Sutra!" said Ernie MacMillan delightedly.

"How did you know?" asked Justin Finch-fletchey, his eyebrows raised questioningly.

"Of course I do! I memorized the whole book!"

"Ernie, you are Head Boy, for Christ's sake!" said Hermione, fuming.

"Did you see that girl? I think I've already seen her once or twice before…" said Ron thoughtfully.

"Duh, Ron. She works at Flourish and Blotts!" Harry butted in.

"It's a scandal!" said Draco hysterically. Seamus and Dean, whose tables were right beside Harry and Hermione's, nodded in agreement.

"I had it fixed now, everyone!" said McGonagall. "Don't go telling off what had just taken place, clear?"

Another look at Lavender and Parvati and we read trouble! Uh-oh! Secret no more!

The film (the real, documentary one) began to play. Everyone got bored immediately (it was a black and white film, for crying out loud!), add to the mix the monotonous voice of their old professor. Even Hermione fell asleep in Harry's shoulder!

Midway through the film, a parchment was (yet again) shoved up on Harry's face. Yay! Another chatroom… in the dark?

CHATROOM 505.709887

MODERATOR: ERNIE MACMILLAN

* * *

>prefect666

Message: Man! I still can't shake off McGonagall's belly-dancing image off of my mind! Anyways, let me tell you all how this chatroom works: You tap your quill with your wand, say "Neonus!" and presto! Your quill will write using glow-in-the-dark ink! The spell lasts for a good two hours! Aren't I genius?

Footnote: PIGSNOUT, THIS REALLY IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY!

* * *

>pigsnout

Message: Yeah, yeah… Hannah Abbot here…

Footnote: SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS GONNA BE A BAD DAY…

* * *

>harrythehippogriff 

Message: Good thing Draco brought his inhaler along, or we'd be on our way to the hospital right now. Harry Potter here, by the way…

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>drakiemahdear

Message: Pansy the pretty here… It's all the Gryffindor's Head of House's fault! If she hadn't tried showing off her elephant-skin-like legs!

Footnote: I LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: For once in my whole life, I agree with Pansy… BTW, Ernie, the spell's great! Hermione Granger here…

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>Cleansweep2005

Message: You mean to tell me that Malfoy's asthma attack was real? It looked like it was only an act!

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Who the bloody-hell is Cleansweep2005? Of course it was real! You think I'm a terrible actor? Well, duh for you! Draco Malfoy online…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>Prettypadma

Message: Padma here… B-b-but you play Quidditch! How come you never have asthma attacks while airborne?

Footnote: NOBODY KNOWS I SNOG IN THE LOOS! WAHAHA!

* * *

>Chavo

Message: Yeah, well… If you've got your balls currently occupied you wouldn't pay much attention to your breathing…

Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Lavender here… Don't pay much attention to Cleansweep2005, he's such a rude character.

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>sadisticflirt

Message: Awww, poor Seamus… Here, lemme kiss your boo-boo… It's your darling, Parvati…

Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>ilovegoldfish

Message: That girl from the porn film… Is she a salesgirl from Flourish and Blotts? Anthony Goldstein asking here…

Footnote: I LOVE GOLDFISH. GET IT?

* * *

>corporealpatronus

Message: Susan Bones online… Yeah, she is. As a matter of fact, I saw her flirting with Snape!

Footnote: WHATCHA DOIN' IN MY BATH TUB!

* * *

>kitty-eyes

Message: He what!

Footnote: WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO MY LECTURE?

* * *

>corporealpatronus

Message: Yeah, I saw them flirting… And her hand was up his thigh…

Footnote: WHATCHA DOIN' IN MY BATH TUB!

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: I just woke up, people… Ronald Weasley here… And who's kitty-eyes?

Footnote: SUP, LADIES. I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>kitty-eyes

Message: Never mind that now. Anyways, SNAPE was flirting with another whore? Since when?

Footnote: WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO MY LECTURE?

* * *

>billybobbobbybill

Message: Millicent here… Anyways, I think I saw that too… They were at Starlab Café, weren't they? Was I with you at that time, Pansy?

Footnote: BILLYBOB… BOBBYBILL…

* * *

>vincentcrabbe

Message: Ye, yuo wear wid mee, end Pansei ent Greggy end alsowe Theodoor end Blaeice.

Footnote: SLITHERYN HAUSE RULEZ!

* * *

>nottyourordinaryguy

Message: Translation from troll language to English: 'Yeah, you were with me, and Pansy and Greggy and also Theodore and Blaise.' It's me, Theodore!

Footnote: AND ANOTHER STUPID FOOTNOTE…

* * *

>blueeyeswhitedragon

Message: Blaise here! Yeah, we saw that, didn't we? Neville saw it too, duh!

Footnote: I AINT NO FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD.

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: Yeah, and she was practically sucking his oxygen from his mouth!

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>brownishlavender

Message: Erm, Neville? How did you come to see it?

Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>Nevilleshortbottom

Message: I met the Slytherins along the way and I hung out with them…

Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.

* * *

>greggygoyle

Message: Thei wear splitin a bananana spleet.

Footnote: MY DONG IS AS HEALTHY AS MY ARSE, THANKS.

* * *

>kitty-eyes

Message: Why that big buffoon! He splits banana splits with me, only me! Or at least, that's what he says…

Footnote: WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO MY LECTURE?

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: You're having an affair with Snape? Just who the sickening-hell are you, anyway?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

>kitty-eyes

Message: Why, Harry James Potter! I am surprised by your behavior! You have a Head Boy badge! And why are you all being stupid? Is it that hard to guess who I am?

Footnote: WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO MY LECTURE?

* * *

>scaredofsnakes

Message: Justin Finch-Fletchey here… I performed a spell on myself, causing me to sleep for over an hour so I wouldn't have to endure the crazily traumatic Strip show…

Footnote: AU CONTRAIRE, SNAKES ARE QUITE LOVELY… NOT.

* * *

>kitty-eyes

Message: I'm getting angry now, students…

Footnote: WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO MY LECTURE?

* * *

>fulhamfootballfanatic

Message: Seamus, why didn't you wake me up? You know I drool in my sleep! Now my cheeks are sticky, you idiot! Oops, sorry…

Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"

* * *

>Cleansweep2005

Message: Duh, Dean! I'm not an alarm clock, as Hermione's "I'm not an owl!" in her latest movie…And I'm ready to bet my virginity that Hermione and Kitty-eyes is the same person!

Footnote: YEEHAWW!

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Har, har... Sorry to break the news to you guys, but I'm not kitty-eyes! Swear!

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>ihavecutefreckles

Messsage: Hermione, I know McGonagall's performance is traumatic but it's not enough to drive all of us stupid! You're kitty-eyes! Just admit it!

Footnote: I HAVE CUTE FRECKLES. I GOT THEM FROM THE SUN.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Eloise, I AM NOT KITTY-EYES! That's not my penmanship! Will somebody back me up?

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>kitty-eyes

Message: I am so totally not Ms. Granger! And my –er- McGonagall's performance is so like totally hot!

Footnote: WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO MY LECTURE?

* * *

>bootterryboot

Message: Are you guy or girl? If girl, then I really really REALLY think that you're Mione! If you're guy, then SHAME ON YOU! Haven't you seen the hairs that grew one-foot long on her legs!

Footnote: I SNOGGED PRETTYPADMA IN THE LOOS!

* * *

>Pukinpastilles

Message: You should really tell me who you are! Together, we could pool our money and buy McGonagall a Hair Removing Mousse from the Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes!

Footnote: SUP, LADIES. I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.

* * *

>imaballerina246

Message: Uhm… Why's McGonagall not discussing anymore?

Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

* * *

>kitty-eyes

Message: Probably because she's chatting with all of you as well…

Footnote: WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO MY LECTURE?

* * *

>harrythehippogriff

Message: So downright creepy if she is… Hello, Prof. McGonagall! Tell me, do you need a pole for your Striptease?

Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.

* * *

"Why thank you, Mr. Potter. That was very thoughtful of you, seeing as I badly need something to shove up your fat, stinky butts!"

"You're welcome, professor…" Harry started, but ceased with his eyes wide open as he realized who it was who spoke behind him. He slowly turned his head around and saw a smirking McGonagall. The others, too, slowly turned to face their professor, apparently too transfixed to move or speak.

"Expect me to have neither kitty-eyes nor kitty-mercy later at 7:00 P.M. in the dungeons, where I will show you all where you shall serve detention," said McGonagall, her eyes watering with rage.

Uh-oh!

* * *

_(Okay, here goes: I am so terribly sorry for not updating that long! Really really REALLY sorry! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!)_

_(About this chapter, I know it's plain insane and pointless, but don't sue me! I worked hard for this! And I've got a new fic out. It's entitled "The Big Snowball Competition" and it's also under HHr Humor! Please read and review, pipz!)_

_(Also, I'm starting to like the ship Fred Weasley/Hermione Granger! I think it's cute… But nothing beats HHr! I guess I felt kinda disappointed with the conclusion of the ships in Half-blood Prince… HG and RH is kinda revolting for my taste… No offense to shippers out there! I'm only stating an opinion, after all… And don't flame, please! Oh, tres horibles flamers!)_

_(Next chapter: A chatroom during detention? With a powerful spell supervising the students, how can this be? And a lovers' quarrel ensues! Weee… excited yet?)_


End file.
